


Purpose

by kiyarasabel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 21:54:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9348173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyarasabel/pseuds/kiyarasabel
Summary: I wrote this a year and a half ago, pure lovey dovey smut, full of run on sentences and complete with my signature crying orgasms.My real SPN OTP is Crobby, but as a Bisexual, SPN personally victimizes me by basing itself on the exploits of notable literary bisexual men and refuses to allow it's characters to explore that.Some day I need to finish my Closeted Bisexual Dean Winchester™ post complete with a ln entire series rewatch so I can cite every bisexual moment he has, but that's for another time. I'm at least half a season behind and I hate watch this show.





	

"Dean."

He tried to look away, but the look in Cas' eyes was serious. Dean swallowed, desperate to make some kind of protest, but knew that his voice would break if he dared to say anything. He wanted to get mad, but there wasn't enough left in him to fight with.

The angel's face was contemplative under the concern, and part of Dean wanted to shove off and run away as unconsciously he realized what was coming. Castiel leaned in slowly, as if not to spook him, and lightly brushed his lips against the taller man's. Dean stiffened, but did not resist, his mouth widening in response as much as surprise. Castiel knew not to push his luck but could not pull away now that he was here. Gently he pressed more firmly into the kiss, his hands drifting to rest on Dean's shoulders.

This seemed to allow Dean to respond, and like a blind man, his hands grasped Cas' hips for balance. The gesture pulled them closer together and Dean flushed with awareness of the heat growing between them. 

They came up for air slowly, and Cas asked. "Do you remember when you took my virginity?"

Dean felt himself blush deeper, wanted to deny it, but instead only managed a strained, "I'd hoped you forgot about that."

"I could never." Cas was serious again, a trace of possible hurt, it made Dean feel guilty, like he always did.

"It was the end of the world, we were drinking..." He tried to protest.

Cas smiled. "You said I had the 'cutie booty', kissed it and then bit it."

"Well, I..." 

"I don't think I ever told you how much I admire yours." Dean didn't know when Cas' hands had dropped, but he groaned as he felt them squeeze and pull him closer.

"Cas..." Dean had been meaning to be firm, but his voice came out as a whine and it broke his train of thought.

"Dean, I would like to return the favor, and try to make you feel as I did that night."

"Well stop fucking talking about it and do it then." Dean growled, tired and frustrated by this exposed, extended, emotional experience.

They were in his room before he could blink. Cas dropped his coat in a fluid motion and pushed Dean onto the bed. There was no chance for hesitation as Cas followed, pushing Dean into the thick memory foam, hands roaming up the planes of Dean's belly and chest. He shuddered, and again, he whined despite himself as the hands departed to remove a tie. As if in apology, Cas ground his hips into him, then put his hands to work opening Dean's shirt. The angel showered his face and neck in kisses, and he felt delirious. As long as he'd been having sex, he wasn't sure anyone had ever been so focused on him, usually he was the one in charge, even when he was the one on the bottom.

He was so beside himself he couldn't even register the way he squealed as Cas' mouth came down on his hip, hands tugging firmly at his jeans. "Fuck, Cas..." He felt the angel smile and more deliberately tease at the tender line.

He choked when his dick popped free, grazing the roughness of Cas' jaw. The angel didn't hesitate to take it into his mouth, hungrily gulping it down, as Dean writhed and moaned with pleasure, peppered with broken swears.

He was perturbed and befuddled when the ministrations stopped, but managed to babble, "When did you get naked?" Before Cas sat down on his hips and stroked their cocks together as one.

Dean growled when Cas stopped this time, and barely had the opportunity to sit up and watch as Cas adjusted and dropped himself onto Dean's twitching member. 

Breathing became very difficult, broken between mewling sounds and gasps, Cas' gaze focused, determination on his face. Dean reached out to wipe the angel's sweat glazed brow, his fingers lingering in the soft short hair. All he could focus on were those dark soulful blue eyes, telling him things that he only would have denied in any other setting. Dimly he wondered if that were the reason for all this, but waves of pleasure washed the concern from his mind.

Cas felt like he was dying so great was the intensity of feeling that rushed through him. The glazed, vulnerable and happy love in Dean's eyes was the only thing that mattered to him right now. He wanted to free Dean from all of the pain and grief that haunted him. Even if it was temporary, being able to purge that from him was perhaps the most important thing Cas felt he had ever done. This human had destroyed him, so many times and it was all Cas could do to volunteer for it over and over again.

When Dean came, hot and throbbing and yelling, the angel still felt great deep emotions that could only be compared to the holy love and duty he'd felt before the fall. Falling in love was such an apt description, the way everything had been stripped from him the moment he'd laid eyes on this man. He pulled away reluctantly, feeling Dean softening, and Cas' worries returned, knowing that as soon as Dean could think rationally the man would push him away again, probably would curse at him, tell him to stay away. He had to look away then, couldn't bear to watch regret cloud those clear green eyes, to profane the joy they'd just shared.

Instead, like an electrical strike, he found Dean sloppily, greedily suckling at his genitals, eyes brimming with mischief. Cas could say, do nothing as Dean pushed him down, using his hands to tease and prod while his mouth remained busy, alternating between soft and silky to tense and hard working varying paces from recklessly fast to agonizingly slow.

Dean pulled him close afterwards a grin on his face like the proverbial cat who'd found the cream. Cas hadn't expected this, had never dared to dream of such tender devotion, though he'd known Dean was capable. The human fell asleep quickly, but his arms remained possessively locked around the angel. Although he couldn't sleep, lying there gazing at Dean's uncommonly peaceful slumber, the angel was pleased to be at rest and let his mind wander, drifting into a meditative state.

He was surprised then when Dean was no longer embracing him, somehow already showering, without having disturbed him in the process. He entered the bathroom, intending to inquiry how he'd done it, but instead found himself transfixed admiring Dean's lithe form, the way he twisted and lathered himself. His mouth went dry, and not for the first time really had to admire the wonders of creation.

"You gonna stand there gawking or are you gonna do something about it." Dean called cockily.

Cas had to clear his throat and replied. "What would you like me to do, Dean."

"Get your ass in here and scrub my back." Cas recognized the strained tone in Dean's voice to mean that the man was desperate to appear nonchalant, while greatly anxious underneath.

"Of course, humans have trouble reaching between their own shoulder blades. I am sure it would be a great deal more effective to bathe together." Cas began undressing, feeling himself uncertain how to conduct himself in light of their new intimacy, wondering how much longer it could last. He glanced up to see Dean casually stroking himself as he watched, his face strained with frustration and desire.

The angel felt nervous under the man's hungry scrutiny, stepping naked into the close quarters of the shower. Dean turned and shoved a bar of soap and a loofah into Castiel's timid hands, but soon enough the angel found his way, rubbing long slick lines with the soap and scrubbing furious little circles down Dean's spine. It became difficult to focus on the task as Dean began to push back against him, rubbing his firm buttocks against Cas' groin.

Realizing that the back scrubbing was a ruse, Castiel slipped his hands around to Dean's front running his hands up and down and all around, marvelling at the way soap and water changed the feel of the skin under his fingertips.

"Oh Cas, fuck me." Dean growled under his breath.

"I was under the impression that soap and water don't make a sufficient lubricant for sexual activity." Cas responded more cooly than he felt.

"You fucking tease." Dean whirled around, pressed Cas against the wall and started kissing and biting, grinding aggressively against him, before pulling back to state. "You're right about lube." Then he exited the shower toweling off haphazardly and heading to where a small bottle still sat out on his nightstand.

Cas followed more timidly, a little concerned that he might be in over his head with this incredibly tempestuous man. Dean kissed him soundly, then pushed him onto the bed, flat on his back while Dean kneeled between his legs. Cas was at once awed and contrite watching Dean's impatience and restraint as he carefully explored and prepared Cas for what came next. Dean was as gentle as he was fierce, beginning slowly, testing that Cas was unharmed, but making sure the angel felt his need and frustration. Dean's serious, tough facade faded in the process, his gaze softening as he found a steady rhythm.

"Cas..." He breathed. "Y-you're beautiful."

"So are you... the most beautiful thing in all of creation."

Dean blinked slowly. "You're just saying that because I'm fucking you." He'd slowed, the emotional impact of it cutting sharply through his haze of passion.

"Even when I found you in the pit I thought so, even when you are wild and violent, your soul shines with a luster that nothing else can match." Cas was desperate to prove himself.

"Shut up." Dean growled, but he looked stricken. Then he buried his face into Castiel's neck, and began thrusting with greater force and speed, biting to leave marks across the angel's throat and shoulder.

Castiel understood that Dean couldn't accept the praise, but at the same time could only respond to it as he was, using physical action to speak the truth of his heart the way he couldn't express with words. Cas didn't try to talk again, trying instead to speak with his body and the whimpers and moans that Dean dragged out of him.

Dean was crying as he came, nearly sobbed with the power of not just his release but the unspoken feelings that were twisting him up inside, he refused to look at Cas, but wouldn't let him go. Cas held him without comment keeping him close, and safe, stroking his hair, kissing him gently, and waiting until Dean could allow himself to relax.

He couldn't stop the hot flood of tears, couldn't hold them back as he clung to Cas like a man drowning. He wanted to drink it away to numb the feelings tearing him apart, but he couldn't let go. Cas was quiet, stroking and kissing his hair gently, as if he understood, and that hurt more, knowing that despite everything the angel would still stand by him. He wished Cas wouldn't, he'd tried so hard to drive him away, brutally violently so, but here Cas was, clear blue eyes always steady with that unspoken devotion. Dean couldn't look at them now, but he could never stop seeing them. Eventually his sobbing subsided, and Dean realized he couldn't remember the last time he'd cried himself out. In his entire adult life, he'd always turned to alcohol to black out before more than a few tears could escape him.

He knew he had to do, say, something, and he was terrified to acknowledge anything that had just happened.

"Why are you always so fucking calm?" Dean snarled, harsh voice belied by the fact he could only speak it into Castiel's throat, his body trembling.

"Because I'm simple Dean." The angel replied. "I wasn't made like you were to dissect every piece of information into meaning. I have thoughts and feelings and consider things, but I know who and what I am, and I know that for some reason, all I can do is love you."

"Cas, don't fucking say that!" Dean hissed, tears threatening to return.

"I'm only telling the truth." Cas couldn't help being honest, and though he knew it hurt Dean to hear it, it needed to be said. "Why do you object?"

"Because... I don't want to feel responsible for you, imprinting on me like a duckling or some shit." Dean was stiffening, pulled away a few inches.

"I don't think it's that simple Dean. What I feel for you isn't blind, it wasn't random or a mere byproduct of meeting you." He stopped, shifted his position and pulled Dean's face to look at him. "I love you Dean. I choose to do so, as much as I don't think I could chose not to, I don't want to fight it, I don't want to ignore it. I just wish you could accept it. I wish you could accept me."

"Cas..." Dean's voice broke. "It's me I can't accept." He bit his lip and looked away. "I'm sorry I keep hurting you but... I'm broken and wrong..."

"Dean," Cas' voice was hushed. "I know... and you aren't alone, I think everyone is at least a little bit broken and wrong, I think that's just the nature of creation... but that's not important, it's not the suffering and the imperfection that matter, it's the healing, the process of trying to do better. It's the journey and not the destination."

Dean frowned, knowing that he couldn't argue, especially not with what he knew in his heart was true, he was sure he'd said some variation on that theme himself. He was calmer now, uneasy, he knew he needed to make a decision, but he wasn't sure about what. "Cas... what am I supposed to do?"

"Stop pushing away the people who care about you... stop pushing away the people you care about." Cas was anxious now, feeling that they were on the precipice of something important, something vital.

Dean finally looked at him again, green eyes stormy and uncertain, but he twisted his mouth into a grin and spoke the words he'd always colored with modifiers before. "Cas, I love you."

The angel's breath caught and held, emotions sparkling in his eyes, before he managed a matching grin and muttered. "I know."

 

~

Sam had been desperately worried when he couldn't find Dean, Cas he expected to disappear without warning, frustrating as it was that the angel never could seem to make up his mind whether he was staying. He couldn't hold it against him too harshly, knowing the way the angel felt about his brother, and knowing the way his brother treated anyone who dared to feel for him. He was pleasantly surprised to hear them laughing as the came around the corner. Dean immediately stiffened when he saw his brother, and Cas too seemed to shrink back.

Sam had to carefully marshal his expression, he'd noticed the two had been holding hands, and was ecstatic to see they seemed to be working through their problems, but knew that Dean would lock himself down like a fallout shelter if he felt like Sam knew about it. So Sam smiled vacantly and exclaimed. "There you guys are I was just looking for you, I found something interesting." He turned away and continued in the direction of the library, his face beaming where he knew his brother couldn't see it. Dean relaxed, sufficiently distracted enough that Sam snuck a wink to Cas, who returned a relieved smile.


End file.
